he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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