Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
