end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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