i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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