unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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