I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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