you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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