I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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