I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
