I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
