forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come share oat with me in your robe
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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