she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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