yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize