I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
