Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My penis needs a shock collar
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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