I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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