When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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