Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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