You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
