apparently the secret to your success is patron
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
