What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
