I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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