His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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