There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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