She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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