She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
