I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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