Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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