god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
