we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
