her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
