you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
