His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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