turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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