You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
