I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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