I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
