Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
