Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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