There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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