Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
