Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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