Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
