dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
