90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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