the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
