my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
high people should be assigned attendants
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
