I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
