Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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