two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
