If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
