Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to jail i love you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
