Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
