like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
