areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
