if only i could text you this smell
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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