I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize