just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i came on her dog
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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