I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
