maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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