and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
