wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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