just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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