we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
