I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
