It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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