Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
