im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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