I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
