his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
