you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
